A few Sundays ago in church, we celebrated the 89th birthday of a man whose daughter and son-in-law serve on our leadership team. It was a Thanksgiving service, and honestly? It was beautiful to watch.
You could tell that this family genuinely loved each other. The celebrant was in a wheelchair, but he was surrounded by his children, grandchildren, and a room full of people honoring him with joy and gratitude.
As I sat there watching, a thought hit me that I haven’t been able to shake:
So many people in this generation won’t get to experience this.
And I realized; this didn’t happen by accident. This was the result of decades of small choices I’m just beginning to understand.
Not because they’re not good people. Not because they don’t deserve it.
But because somewhere along the way, we stopped letting God shape us through the messiness of doing life with other people.
There’s a reason David said:
“God sets the solitary in families.” – Psalm 68:6
But he didn’t stop there. The verse continues:
“…but the rebellious dwell in a dry land.”
That part hit me differently.
Because here’s what I’m starting to understand: God doesn’t just place us in relationships for our comfort. He places us there to reflect His nature.
We All Start Selfish
Let’s be honest about something: we’re all naturally selfish. Every single one of us.
We want relationships that serve us. We want people who make us feel good, understand us perfectly, and don’t require too much from us in return. We want a community that fits our schedule, meets our needs, and doesn’t challenge us too much.
This isn’t a character flaw—it’s human nature. We all start here.
But God has something different in mind. He wants to use relationships to gradually transform us from people who love conditionally to people who love like Christ – sacrificially, persistently, with grace for others’ imperfections.
The problem is that transformation only happens when we stay. When we let God use the friction, the disappointments, and the growth opportunities that come with real relationships.
Where Are You on the Journey?
Maybe you’re in a season where relationships feel too risky. You’ve been hurt, and self-protection feels like wisdom right now. That’s okay. God meets you there.
Maybe you’re tired of people letting you down, and isolation feels safer than trying again. God sees that, too.
Maybe you’ve tried relationships before, but it felt shallow or demanding or just… not worth it. You’re not wrong to want something real.
Or maybe you’re someone who’s further along the journey. You have learned to love imperfect people, to forgive quickly, to serve without keeping score. You know the joy that comes with genuine relationships, even when it’s costly.
Wherever you are, that is where God wants to meet you. Not to shame you for where you’re not, but to gently invite you into the next step of becoming who He created you to be.
God Uses Relationships to Grow Us
Here’s what I’ve noticed: the people who end up surrounded by love in their old age? They’re usually the ones who learned to love others well along the way.
Not perfectly. Not without failure. But consistently.
They learned to forgive when it was hard. To show up when it was inconvenient. To choose grace over being right. To see people’s potential instead of just their problems.
And somewhere in that process of learning to love like Christ, they became the kind of people others wanted to be around.
This doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a journey of letting God soften our hearts, expand our capacity for grace, and teach us to see people the way He sees them. I’m still learning this myself.
The Invitation
Maybe you’re reading this and thinking, “I’m not there yet. I’m still too selfish, too wounded, too tired to be the kind of person who builds lasting relationships.”
Good news: God doesn’t wait for you to get your act together before He starts working on you.
He meets you exactly where you are. Whether that is:
- Learning to trust again after being hurt
- Discovering what healthy relationships look like
- Taking small steps toward opening your heart
- Practicing forgiveness
- Finding the courage to be vulnerable with safe people
- Growing in grace for others’ imperfections
The goal isn’t to become perfect at relationships. The goal is to let God use relationships to make you more like Christ.
And here’s the beautiful part: as you’re being transformed through loving others, you’re also becoming the kind of person who creates the relationships you’ve always wanted to experience.
It’s Not Too Late
That 89-year-old man surrounded by love didn’t start there. He became that through decades of letting God shape his heart through the give and take of real relationships. And he probably didn’t even realize that’s what was happening at the time.
If you’re in a season of isolation right now, it’s not too late to let God begin that work in you. Not all at once. Not perfectly. But step by step, relationship by relationship, choice by choice.
God is still in the business of setting the solitary in families. But He’s also in the business of using that process to transform us into people who can love like He does.
The question isn’t whether you’re ready to be perfect at community.
The question is: Are you willing to let God begin the work of making you into someone who can love and be loved well?
This isn’t about becoming perfect at relationships overnight. It’s about discovering how God uses even our messy, imperfect attempts at loving others to shape us into who we were meant to be.
I’m praying you say yes. Not because you have to get it all figured out, but because God wants to meet you exactly where you are and gently lead you forward.
The journey toward fruitful relationships starts with letting God do His work on your heart.
And that can begin today.
Over the next few weeks, we’ll explore what this journey looks like. The small steps, the setbacks, and the surprising ways God meets us in the mess of real relationships.
I’m rooting for you!
