She sits across from her husband at dinner, scrolling. He’s doing the same. They haven’t fought in weeks. They just don’t talk anymore.
Down the street, another couple signs divorce papers.
At church, a young woman wonders if marriage is even worth it.
Everywhere you turn, the diagnosis is the same: we’re in a relationship crisis. The solutions keep multiplying—coaching, compatibility tests, and communication workshops.
But what if the real problem isn’t relationships at all? What if most people have just never taken responsibility for their own alignment with God?
The Truth About Principles
God’s principles work for everyone. Honesty builds trust. Sacrifice strengthens bonds. Commitment creates stability. Respect fosters peace.
These aren’t just “Christian principles.” They’re creation principles. God wired reality to function this way. That’s why you see unbelievers with thriving marriages while some Christians struggle. It’s not a contradiction. It’s common grace.
But here’s the distinction most people miss: Following God’s principles can give you a functional life. Alignment with God gives you a fruitful life.
A functional marriage is stable, happy, and mutually beneficial. It works for the couple, but its impact often ends there. The fruit stays contained. Good for them, but it doesn’t carry a witness beyond their own lives.
A marriage aligned with Christ is different. It’s built on covenant, not just compatibility. It is oriented toward God’s glory, not personal fulfillment. It bears fruit that extends beyond the couple to impact children, the community, and the kingdom.
It’s the kind of marriage that makes kids want to follow Jesus because they see covenant love lived out. The kind neighbors notice because something about it feels different, more real.
That kind of marriage can’t be built on principles alone. It requires personal alignment with God.
The Excuses We Keep Using
Maybe you’ve been hurt by the church. Maybe the teaching you received was shallow, performance-based, more about control than transformation. Maybe leaders failed you, and you have every right to feel disappointed.
These are real; I am not dismissing them.
But here’s what happens. Bad teaching becomes a convenient excuse. It lets you off the hook. You never have to ask the harder question–have I actually pursued God myself, or have I just been waiting for someone to hand me a formula?
Alignment can’t be given by a leader, a program, or an institution. It can only be cultivated personally.
You have access to Scripture. You have access to the Holy Spirit. You can ask God what He’s calling you to and let Him shape your life, whether the church showed up for you or not.
The church may have failed you. Leaders may have let you down. But your relationship with God has never been dependent on them getting it right. It’s always been between you and Him.
Why This Matters for Marriage
Marriage reveals the quality of our alignment faster than anything else.
When people approach marriage like they approached church, for what they can get, waiting for someone else to tell them what to do, following a formula, applying principles without alignment, they end up with something functional at best. Stable, maybe. But not fruitful, transformative, or reflective of Christ.
Maybe you walked away from church because it felt empty. You followed all the rules, and it didn’t produce the life you were promised. Leaders gave you principles but never taught you how to actually walk with God.
If that’s you, I get it. But you still have to answer this: Am I aligned with God, or am I just done with church and calling it the same thing?
Am I pursuing intimacy with Him, or using my disappointment with the institution as a reason to avoid the harder work of a personal relationship?
Am I taking responsibility for my own spiritual growth, or blaming the church for where I am?
Principles can protect and stabilize. They prevent disaster and can even produce something good. But kingdom fruit only comes from alignment with God. No leader, no program, no church, no matter how good or how broken, can give that to you.
But What About Unbelievers Who Seem Fine?
Fair question. Unbelievers can absolutely build stable, happy marriages by following God’s principles–honesty, sacrifice, commitment, respect, etc. These produce good outcomes even without acknowledging God.
But functional doesn’t equal fruitful or aligned.
Unbelievers build marriages for themselves. Their happiness and stability are self-contained. It’s limited.
A marriage aligned with Christ points beyond itself. It reflects covenant, God’s glory, and kingdom impact. It becomes a living picture of how God loves His people: faithful, sacrificial, and enduring.
The tragedy isn’t that unbelievers can have good marriages. It’s when people who know God settle for functional things when He designed them for so much more.
Where We Go From Here
We don’t have a relationship crisis. We have an alignment problem.
The reason it persists isn’t just bad teaching or broken churches, though both have contributed. It’s that people have used those failures as permission to stop pursuing God themselves.
Maybe the church hurt you. Maybe you’re done with the institution. I don’t blame you for stepping back. But stepping away from church doesn’t have to mean stepping away from God.
Taking responsibility isn’t comfortable. It rarely is. But it’s the only path that leads to the kind of fruitfulness you were designed for.
Once you realize alignment becomes your responsibility, the next question becomes: how do you cultivate it? How does it shape your relationships, your marriage, your life?
Here’s the truth: everything you need, you can get in one of two ways:
- You can get it yourself,
- Or you can receive it from God. Relationships included.
To receive it from God, you need to be aligned with His design for it first because He won’t give you something you’re not prepared to steward.
That alignment starts with you because God already did His part. He sent His Son. He gave you His Word. He placed His Spirit within you. The invitation has been extended. The only question is: will you accept it?
As always, I am rooting for you|
Schedule your free consultation today! – You & Love: A Check-in
